To 40...and Beyond
Today's post is going to be a bit different than some of my other content. I usually try to keep it pretty educational but today is more of a diary entry of sorts.
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As some of you may know, I am currently pregnant with my second baby! It has been a fantastic pregnancy that has continued to grow and shape me into the woman and mother that I am today. I have enjoyed and truly cherished this entire experience as it has flown by. I feel like it was just yesterday that we received the wonderful news that we were expecting our second baby. It has all happened so fast. There are even times where I feel like I haven't taken the time to truly process what is happening. Now, here we are in the month of April and my due date was Friday of last week... 🙃 I went to the store today and someone asked when my due date is and I said " -3 days".
This entire pregnancy has been so smooth. I have been able to keep it together and keep our life operating on it's 'well-oiled machine' of a routine. I have been able to balance being a stay-at-home mom, a part-time marketing specialist for my own company and a full-time midwifery student. Inevitably, in the last two weeks I have started to unravel...like a loose ball of yarn. I have found that the closer I get to the end, the sloppier I've gotten on maintaining our usual day-to-day routine. It has been really easy to say to myself 'well, baby might decide to arrive tomorrow so I might as well just skip doing the laundry and just sit on the couch', and while this is just fine, it has slowly eating away at me! Every morning that I wake up and am reminded that labor didn't start, but I still chose to give up my normal day routine, I feel grumpy and defeated. There's a big part of me that wants to throw all of my birth knowledge out the window and cave in to my desire to start labor through induction techniques.
The day after my due date, I almost went out and bought castor oil to try a self induction but then I had an epiphany.
Waiting for my baby to be ready is a crucial part of the process that is heavily overlooked in our modern healthcare system. If I was being seen under an OB's care, I very well could have been offered to schedule an induction by now, but who would this benefit most? At this point, it would be for my benefit, not my baby's.
While I was taking a shower and contemplating the pro's and con's of a castor oil induction, I remembered that while this part of the pregnancy feels VERY long and can be frustrating at times, it is necessary to get the birthing person's mind in the proper state to have a smooth natural delivery. I have wholeheartedly trusted both my body and my baby this entire pregnancy, and I have to continue to trust that they both know when it is time to bring this baby into the world. I can do everything in my power to help my body be prepared for when the time comes to initiate labor, but I do not and should not have a say of when labor begins. I fear that when people take measures to start labor before the body is ready, that labor is naturally more challenging because it was not the body or the baby's idea to begin the process. So as much as it kills me to sit around waiting for this baby to make his appearance, I am comforted by the idea that he is both happy and healthy in my womb and is enjoying his final moments in its protected environment before entering the world.
With these thoughts now written down, I will retreat to my living room where I will bounce on my birthing ball and sip on red raspberry leaf tea and will continue to remind myself to trust my body and trust my baby in the final chapter of this pregnancy. I will do my best to enjoy the last moments before this baby decides to come visit the world.